India... It is smelly, it is crowded, it is crazy hot, and I LOOK LIKE EVERYONE. What? I never look like anyone. This would be where my small identy crisis started in India. With the color of my skin. I love the color of my skin. Everyone who knows me knows that. The truth is though I often forget I am not white. All my friends are white, my church community is white, the places I live are full of white people. I assume that I am white until I walk through the streets of India. Then it hits me, I AM NOT WHITE. Why am I not white. The truth is my parents are not white. So I am not.

When I was 17 years old, I found out that my dad, was not my biological father. CRAZY. Right? To be clear he is my Dad. I love him deeply. He was there the day I was born and has been around ever since. Simply just asking who my biological father actually is, really is not an option. My mother is the only one who knows for sure, and she had a stroke when I was six. She doesn't really have memories of much. Also because my mom had a stroke when I was so young, I really don't know my mom as a normal person, with interest and hobbies, and a normal personality. As you can see this leaves a lot of questions. It is crazy how one realization can lead to so many questions. I have had these questions for a long time. India just made me come face to face with them.

Question #1:What is my ethnic background? I am ½ Mexican (thanks mom). I could be anything. Probably not white though. You see I am darker than most Mexicans that you will meet, and my mother especially. Lots think I am Indian or Arabic. My adopted family the Griffiths call me the Mexaranian princess. I think it fits well. The truth is I could probably blend in any culture where there is brown skin. I always question and joke about this but it has never been a reality until I was surrounded by Indian people. As I walked past Indian men I would secretly wonder if any of these men could be my father.

Question #2: What hereditary curses did I pick up and did I pick anything up from my dad. I mean I am not biologically his but can I still inherit things from him? If so do I have 3 times as many issues. How do I fight things I don't even know about?I know that some of you don't believe in hereditary curses but scripture is clear you can inherit the transgressions of your parents. I also know I am being a bit dramatic, and irrational. Hang in there with me.

Question #3: Am I going to get cancer? I know again dramatic. You have to talk about the medical history of your family when you go to the doctor and now my answer is... I don't know...

Question #4: Who do I look like? Who do I act like? Where do I come from? I know this is three questions. I can count. But they all come back to the same root. I know I look like my mama. She is beautiful and has aged awesomely. I am definitely hoping on inheriting that. There are somethings I have obviously inherited from her and then there are some things I obviously have not. I know I got my brown eyes from her, my face shape, and my almost too sassy attitude. Notice I did say almost.

This is the answer the Lord revealed to me. I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH KING. My parents were given to me for a reason, with a purpose, to make me uniquely me. My uniqueness helps me fulfill my role in the kingdom. BUT everything about me can change with one simple whisper from my creator. I am made in the image of a holy God. So I must look like Him. If I follow Christ and lay down my life for Him to love like Him then I must act like Christ. I come from dust, and the breath of the creator keeps me living. As far as hereditary curses and cancer go, I am a new creation in Christ and all of that was over come by the cross. (Today is Good Friday. Kind of perfect I think). I have all authority through the cross to walk freely and live abundantly. I just need to get over my questions, and seek out what it means to be a daughter of the most High King and what it looks like to live out this truth.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge."

Proverbs 1:7

Romans 8:38

"Love Never Fails"

1^st Corinthians 13:8

"Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers ALL transgressions."

Proverbs 10:12

The verses above are some of the most cliche and overused verses in the bible. I think with good reason though. They matter. They are truth worth clinging too. We must walk in these truths to remember there is hope in the midst of destruction. That there is a reason to sew into impossible situations.

Everyday in Pattaya I walked down one of the worst streets in the city to do ministry. I saw girls out and ready to find customers at eleven in the morning. I saw men, looking for a good time, intimacy, or an easy relationship. I watched as girls who couldn't be older than 13 try to win the attention of men quadruple their age. I saw the enemy in the eyes of captive people. I saw destruction, devastation and and to an unbeliever a hopeless situation.

I would walk down these streets, and on the beach and would pray for these people. I would ask God to intervene, to act, to rescue. The Holy Spirit would whisper to me, My Love OVERCOMES! God literally would whisper this to me 50 times a day.

I would have conversations with people who were held captive by their sin, who saw no other options, who had no hope. People who had made horrible choices, who had horrible things done to them. The Spirit would then whisper My Love is DEEPER.

 

For a long time now I have known God's love is deep and wide, and unconditional and the key to restoring a broken world, and the thing that compels people to come into relationship with Him.

God has spent the last month simply revealing to me a new level of the depth of His love. I used to think the verse from Romans was true, but cheesy. Now it is life giving to my spirit and the truth I cling to when I look at a hopeless situation and I know that nothing can fix the brokenness I see. Today I know that God's love is deeper, and that it overcomes all things. I know I change nothing but He changes everything. I know that I am very capable and I can make things happen. I know God is the only one that makes good happen. I know that the condition of the human heart is hopeless, but God does impossible things. (Matt. 19:16) These are all truths, I have learned before, and will learn again. I am thankful for the revelation of these truths and the hope that comes with them.

First up is Ming. She is BEAUTIFUL. Not in a "She is a creation of the Lord so she has to be beautiful" way. Even by the worlds standards she is Gorgeous. She is 19. She has two children that live 8 hours away. She works in a bar as a prostitute to financially support them and her mother. Her mother cares for her children who are one and two years old. I asked her if she could do anything what would it be. She said "I want to be a great mother to my sons AND and honorable daughter to God." She feels so torn between financially supporting her children and honoring God and feels like there is no way she can do both.

Next is Na. Her hearts desire is to clean houses. She has three sons that her mother cares for. She is in Pattaya working as a prostitute. She feels like Budah is punishing her because her husband died and the only way she can provide for her family is by working as a prostitute. She feels like her job has taken away all her value and she must live the rest of her life feeling ashamed for her mistakes and choices.

Kay is a 27 year old Thai woman who speaks amazing English. We got to have an amazing conversation where I told her about my trip and she told me about where she comes from. She told me she thought I was brave which then led to me telling her the truth about not really being brave. I had the opportunity to share the gospel with her, and pray with her.

Ptoom is a really awesome women I had the honor of working with during my time in Pattaya. I asked her what she says to the women in the bars. She said, "I tell them how good God has been to me."

 

Three times a week I go sit in a bar and talk to women who work as prostitutes about coming to English classes. Most of these women feel like they have no other option, they don't like their jobs, and live far from their children. Six times a week I sit with women who work as prostitutes and help them learn English. I have fallen in love with these women as they share their stories of struggle, tragedy,shame, bad choices, poverty, and their dreams. I get to work with women who have worked in the bars, and have found Jesus. They are godly, beautiful women who serve God and love him passionately and are desperate for the lost to know God.

 

I will call her Hope. She is beautiful. She is goofy. She is full of life, and dreams, and ambition. Her name is obviously not Hope. I gave her that name because that is what she represents to me. She actually is a 26 year old woman who works in the ministry. She has been there eight years. I am not exactly sure how she came to be there or what circumstances in life introduced her to this ministry. What I do know is where she is now. She has finished an undergrad degree in finance and is now attending university to get her masters in management. In the academic world and the terms of success there this girl has already surpassed me. I had the opportunity to get to know her one day. I didn't even ask. She just opened up. She showed me pictures of the province she is from. She talked about her love for design. She designs clothing, and jewelry. She is gifted at it too. She showed me picture after picture of things she had designed. She has dreams of using her gifts in her future.

Sometimes in the midst of sewing into the kingdom I lose sight of the harvest that takes place. I sew into this ministry and may never see the harvest of what I have sewn, but getting to know this girl, and her heart has really given me a new hope in what we invest in. My relationship with Hope has reminded me that God blows through destruction. It has also helped me remember the joy of what I do. I love to watch people grow,evolve, and change. I love to watch churches and people grow from the ground up. I love the outcome at the end. I don't often get to see that, but every once in a while God gives me a glimpse of the harvest and what is to come. The future is bright people so get ready.

A glimpse of the future motivates me to keep investing in people. Hope is the outcome that we all long to see when we invest in a ministry or in a person. Restoration is not always the outcome of every person we invest in but people are the greatest investment we can make and they are worth the risk. A situation may not turn out the successfully in your eyes. But hey, its Gods outcome not ours when we walk in obedience to Him. It His win or loss. I'm pretty sure he doesn't lose and he defines success way differently than we do anyway.

So for those of you who invested financially, or prayerfully in this trip know that you have invested in the kingdom and there will be a harvest. Know wherever you invest although it may feel pointless,or invaluable God is faithful to deliver and restore. There is hope in our future, and our investment, but mostly in a God who is faithful.

 

The last blog I wrote was about a visit I took to a place called Tuol Sleng. This one will be as well. While we were there we got to hear from a man via translator who was one of the 7 survivors of this prison. I think I listened to his story 3 times in a row and every time I was moved to tears. Not only because of what he went through, but because he survived, and because he had beautiful perspective through all of the trauma he had endured.

The thing I was reminded of most was this...

We have all survived something.

I think we go into situations wanting to rescue people. We live in the mindset that we are in someway capable of rescuing people from their own destruction. We want to fix them, or change them, or take them away from the things that we think hinder them. We want to take away the very burdens that may be leading them and others into a deeper relationship with Christ.

I do this in everyday relationships in the states, with my squad, with my team, and with the people I serve.

This is something that I know to be true. Unity is formed when you focus on the things you have in common. One thing we all have in common is this. We all have survived something. You may have survived trafficking, rape, apathy, church culture, abuse, addictions, teen pregnancy, broken relationships or a number of other things. It isn't so much what you have survived but how. It is not about the size, or proportion of what we have endured . I am pretty sure Jesus looks at it all the same. It is just about the fact that we HAVE SURVIVED AND CAN SURVIVE THROUGH JESUS.So the next time you feel alone or think that you can't possibly have something in common with the person next you remember that everyone endures trials. No one has survived on their own, and everyone needs a Savior. (I know this is a bit cheesy but it is true.)

I also think it is important to get out of the way and let God work. When we try to fix others, or situations we don't allow God to restore those things in His way. My awesome friend Brenda has cancer. It was sad, scary, and frustrating. Now it is hopeful. Not because she is cured or in remission. She is still going through treatments. It is because she is using it to further God's kingdom. She told me this right before I left.

The book of Galatians only exist because Paul got sick on his way to another church. Paul ended up having to stop in Galatia and stayed two years. That is where the church of Galatia comes from and now the book of Galatians. After explaining this to me Brenda told me she is excited to see what God plants with her life during her sickness.

So lets stop trying to fix everyone. Let's stop trying to find and easier way out. Instead lets find comfort and unity in the knowledge that everyone has survived something and lets see what God plants in our lives during the process.